Downward Slope

Hi everyone! I know the sudden flood of posts may be jarring, I’m just trying to keep my events straight and up to date. This one is more of a summary of the funk I’ve been in this past week. Tomorrow I will share what broke me out of that funk, but there are only so many hours in a day to write. ❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧

I have a confession to make: the post that you are reading right now is primarily a procrastination effort on my part. It’s also not going to be all sunshine and roses. Our free travel ended on October 23 and we reunited as a group in London. It was jarring to go from luxury and solitude with my mother to chaos and rest stops with our class.

There’s been a shift in the group since we got back from free travel. For one thing social dynamics have changed to my sudden shock. There’s been some subtle tension between people that I’ve been totally unaware of until recently, and this has resulted in many splintered tribes rather than one cohesive whole. At first I was disappointed, but it is the nature of humans to form tight packs. Many of us have formed deep friendships prior to embarking on this semester and it’s only natural to stick to those we know. I tend to be a more solitary person so I’ve spent part of the last week in isolation. Independence is good, but not at the expense of necessary socializing, so it’s still a process of finding a new balance.

Because I’ve been more isolated this last week, I’ve been writing a lot more and rediscovering my old work. The downside is none of what I want to write is assigned school work. I want to watch the entire filmography of Cillian Murphy and devote a review series to him (Murphy Monday will start when I get back) instead of reading our Victorian novel or writing a paper on literary Modernism. It’s a balance between pursuing my own interests and staying on top of my assignments. Many of my classmates are also starting to feel a decline in focus and motivation, but we band together to commiserate and encourage one another and press onward.

Today I cried two different times in the space of a few hours in Starbucks. One of my classmates has suggested a Thanksgiving meal in the next week, and the homesickness twists like a knife in my heart. I am sure the actual event will be fun and heartwarming, but I don’t appreciate the reminder that I cannot spend a favorite holiday with the people I love most. I let many tears fall and I let myself be comforted by true friends. I was homesick and homework-weary, but also reminded of the people I can lean on.

It hasn’t been the easiest week of the trip by any stretch, but I’ve been able to lean on those around me I know I can trust, and find comfort in balancing productivity and pleasure. As I continue the journey, I look forward to practicing trust and balance and independence, ever growing and evolving. Onward. ❤️🇬🇧