Hi friends. I wanted to share what’s really on my heart this week, and I hope you can find some comfort and solidarity in my journey.

I already left the job I started in August. I was so excited to get out of my retail job and start my career in a “traditional office”. Except it wasn’t a traditional office. The team worked primarily from home, and the transition from a student mindset to a professional mindset was a sharp adjustment. I enjoyed the tasks I was doing, but they weren’t in my skill set, and they didn’t ultimately suit my strengths. My boss and I agreed I would be better suited to another role, and we parted amicably. I am blessed to be free from student loans and rent, so I have the financial flexibility to leave positions that don’t fit and wait for the job that lights me up.

I don’t like the feeling of lacking clear direction. On a micro level, not having a daily to-do list leaves me feeling unproductive and lazy. I fill my time with online learning courses, new books, time with friends, and this blog. It’s good to keep myself busy, but a part of me wants to sit and stare out the window, just for a few days. I’ve never been good at true relaxation, but now is an excellent time to learn. I don’t know how long this interlude will last, but it’s a chance to practice balancing rest and self-motivation.

On a big-picture level, I’m re-evaluating my graduate school options, and I’m torn between a degree in technical writing or marketing. Both fields are interesting to me, and I would be competent in either. I have this expectation that my next degree will set the course for the rest of my career, but looking at the people I know shows me this is false. My dear friend thought she got her dream job right out of college, But the part she expected to be her favorite ended up burning her out, so she’s taking some time to explore her skills and talents in a new role. My boyfriend waited four years between college and the right job, but he stayed busy. I like having linear plans and following them, but I’m seeing that this isn’t possible anymore.

The life of a student is generally orderly and predictable. Elementary, middle, and high school all flow in a seamless path for most of us. For those of us who choose college, the process continues. But once we get the last diploma, what then? Some land a first job in their field immediately after graduation; some don’t. What then?

One year post-college, I am not where I want to be. I cannot take all the blame, it’s been a strange year, to say the least. I was grateful for my retail job because it allowed me to stay busy and save for graduate school. But I knew that was never my long-term plan. At this point, I have no “long-term plan”, and I might never have one. I just have to come to terms with that. You could say I’m a recovering type A personality, so letting myself drift through this season is new and uncomfortable, but it’s my only option. I’m doing what I can in terms of job and school applications, but I cannot control who will accept those applications.

I’m not where I want to be, but I’m learning to be okay here. I trust that everything happens for a reason, and I am confident that my purpose will move towards me as I move towards it.